Whoa, Dad!

FAMILY CIRCUS

Bobby comes from a long line of circus folk and Nikki is determined to learn about his side of the family. After Nikki teaches Bobby how to cook one of the most difficult dishes known to...Goldie Lox? The two get into his family history over a nice bowl of porridge, which Bobby has made for the first time ever. Very questionable. Bobby tells tails of his mom who rode in a headstand, on a motorcycle, while going across a tight rope wire. And his dad was an acrobat. His parents met in the circus trying to escape the war and from there Bobby became a circus kid. 

IT'S OK TO CRUSH ON MY COUSIN?

Bobby and I are starting to get a bit annoyed with each other (if you couldn’t tell) and we are coming to the end of our time together. I’m becoming more controlling and he’s making me that way!

It all started with a confrontation over the microwave. On the plus side we’ve gotten close enough that we’re starting to call each other out… but is this really a good thing? How much progress are we really making?

So, we’ve decided to try to improve our father-daughter relationship further with a tip from the “how to be a good dad” blog post we went through a few episodes back (see: Your Texas Suck)... we’re going to learn Spanish together. My hope is high, but my expectations are very low.

Needless to say, our quest to learn Spanish wasn’t the most productive it could have been and it didn’t help that Bobby decided to take a phone call in the middle of it but we did cover a few other… weird topics. It turns out Bobby decided to perv on our online Spanish teacher (who by-the-way is in a video, not a live person), we talked about a Valentine’s surprise he gave me as a kid, a really disappointing Christmas and he thinks it’s OK to crush on your cousin because it’s just a phase.

It’s time to do some parenting scenarios with the childhood version of me so we can learn how to be a dad, and Bobby’s got some weird advice to share. Distant dads,  maybe don’t take a phone call in the middle of reconnecting with your father. Daughters, reconnecting is hard and those insecure feelings are totally normal.

This is a frustrating one but I think we made a little bit of progress? Here’s to hoping! And don’t use the microwave, it’s not good for you.

Want to read the emails that we talk about but were too vulnerable to share on the podcast? Sign up to our patreon: https://www.patreon.com/nikkibon.  

You can support, sign up and check out our clips, unedited eps, emails, videos and basically all the things that we are too embarrassed to share and triggers Nikki's abandonment issues. 

Whether it be advice you need, advice for us or questions you think we should ask each other, we want to hear from you ! E-mail us what you would like to hear or activity ideas whoadadpodcast@gmail.com.

 

BIRDS AND THE BEES

We are back for another attempt to teach Bobby how to be a dad. The operative word being attempt. Today we’re talking about the birds and the bees, and a few other awkward conversations that parents have with their children.

It turns out I inherited Bobby’s messy gene. I’m over here trying to set a great example of how to clean up after yourself and I realize that I’m still acting like the parent in the relationship. 

But today we’ve decided to attempt to tackle a parenthood rite of passage, the birds and the bees talk. This is going to be an uncomfortable one, Bobby’s always been a little inappropriate so it’s going to be interesting to see if he can manage to teach me about the birds and the bees and other important topics without going into details that aren’t appropriate for the talk.

This episode is packed full of tidbits of information you probably never knew (and maybe didn’t need to), like why it’s actually called the birds and the bees. But that’s not the only father-daughter talk we’re going to have today, we’re tackling ALL of the topics he missed out on when I was a teen. Sit in while we have a (somewhat painful) chat about getting your first period, how babies are made and having protected sex. Don’t worry, we’re all a little bit confused.

These are all important talks that parents have with their children as they grow up, but since I had a distant relationship with my dad we didn’t have any of them. They’re a little awkward, but a truly important step.

I should point out that Bobby gets a point for doing what he describes as a “dad thing” and helping me with a slight computer issue. This episode is a wild ride, probably my favorite so far, so enjoy!

Want to read the emails that we talk about but were too vulnerable to share on the podcast? Sign up to our patreon: https://www.patreon.com/nikkibon.  

You can support, sign up and check out our clips, unedited eps, emails, videos and basically all the things that we are too embarrassed to share and triggers Nikki's abandonment issues. 

Whether it be advice you need, advice for us or questions you think we should ask each other, we want to hear from you ! E-mail us what you would like to hear or activity ideas whoadadpodcast@gmail.com.

 

THE ENIGMA MAN

Despite Bobby (aka the enigma man)  feeling “internal” today he’s made the very fatherly decision to join me anyway, and in this episode our big topic is how to communicate with your daughter as an absent father who’s trying to be less… well, absent. While I was waiting for my dad to call me, he was, as he puts it, "let be and let god". For me? Let be and let abandonment issues get worse and worse. Hey dad? Are you ever gonna call me? 

We’re diving into the expectation vs. reality of father-daughter relationships and talking about parenting at its finest, like who should fold clothes, check on the laundry and how dad’s parenting claim-to-fame is that he changed my diapers as a baby and “facilitated” an accidental teaching moment. In order to overcome my tit-for-tat mentality, we open the flood gates and share my resentments. 

Bobby says the key to relationships is not taking someone for granted. So, I explain my philosophy on equal-effort exchange relationships and why I don’t go out of my way to make him coffee (and definitely won’t fold his clothes).

We’re talking all about how distant dads connect with their kids, and what I really needed to hear as a child frame of mind. If you’re wondering how to communicate with your teenage daughter over the phone (or, in person for that matter) you need to hear this: giving your kids space and waiting until they’re ready isn’t the key to building that relationship.

Instead, you need to reach out. Kids suck at talking to adults—that’s why you get uninvested responses like “school was fine.” If you’re looking to really make an impact, try connecting with kids through stories. Sharing your experiences with them, even if you think they don’t want to hear it, might just be the key to giving you that something you need to start rebuilding your relationship.

And, if you’re the daughter of an absentee father, there’s something in here for you too. Sometimes, dads suck at being dads (whether they’re there all the time or not). They’re nervous, unsure and they have no idea what to do. Being open, honest and talking about things that might seem uncomfortable could bring on a whole new level of understanding.

Life is full of lessons, and today’s is a great one. Don't leave your kid hanging on the other line waiting for you to call. 

This isn't vulnerable enough for you? Or you just want to support? Sign up to Patreon to have access to our e-mail correspondences that did a number on our relationship, videos, unedited eps and classic documented Bobby moments. 

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HOMEWORK, SWEAT AND TEARS

It’s time for Bobby to help me with some homework—we’re skipping math class this time and going straight for the adult stuff. I’ve got an audition and he’s going to help me prepare for it like he’s a dad helping his daughter with her homework. Let’s do this!

Before we get to the good stuff, we’re starting out with some parenting practice because it’s time that someone learns how to be a dad. Bobby never had to take care of me when I was sick (that we know of) and I’m feeling a bit under-the-weather, so he’s sharing how dad’s take care of their children when they’re sick… and he’s not doing the best job.

Bobby’s having some issues treating me like a child for some of our exercises. He’s not understanding the idea that as an absent father, he missed out on a few important things in my life and I’m trying to teach him how to be a father and what being a dad is all about.

But once we’ve gotten through the sick talk, it’s Bobby’s time to shine. He’s got some serious acting chops that he’s going to bless us all with while he acts like a responsible dad helping with homework. That is, until he volunteered to direct me then quickly offloaded the responsibility to my boyfriend Matt because he’s worried his direction is going to come off wrong. Absent fatherhood 1: Bobby 0.

It’s an interesting learning experience with Bobby—taking care of sick kids, helping with homework, learning how to be a good father and a very convincing fake crying session.

Make sure you listen all the way to the end of the episode where I share a great listener email. I got a note from a childhood friend who sent me something really insightful about what if Bobby had been around when I was a kid. It’s something everyone with an absent father should hear. 

Want to read the emails that we talk about but were too vulnerable to share on the podcast? Sign up to our patreon: https://www.patreon.com/nikkibon.  

You can support, sign up and check out our clips, unedited eps, emails, videos and basically all the things that we are too embarrassed to share and triggers Nikki's abandonment issues. 

Whether it be advice you need, advice for us or questions you think we should ask each other, we want to hear from you ! E-mail us what you would like to hear or activity ideas whoadadpodcast@gmail.com.

Nikki's Insta: https://www.instagram.com/nikkibon/

Whoa, Dad! Insta: https://www.instagram.com/whoadadpodcast/

THE CRINGER (Full Episode)

Bobby and I just went out for brunch where he spent the majority of the time doing anything but having a conversation with me. Because our father-daughter relationship is awkward at best, there was that weird reaching-for-the-wallet experience—I was too early on the draw and ended up paying the bill!

Getting stories out of Bobby is impossible, which sucks because the man has truly lived. He’s played with Nancy Sinatra, Herbie Hancock, Jaco Pastorius, The Who—he’s a pro drummer (which, in essence, is why he was an absent father) and he has some real life experience that so far I’ve only learned about through Google. But I want to hear about his life as a musician in his own words, and this episode is about trying to make that happen.

Gum is a big issue between us and we’re going to try to get to the bottom of it. We’re also talking about Bobby’s addictions and his messy trait that I definitely inherited. He ends up sharing some insights into his experience with alcoholism but refuses to share some of his juicer stories. So, I decide to try sharing some of my own experiences to get him to open up. 

This is the issue with having a distant dad, I’m itching to know what his life was like. He was an absent father who got a chance to have a life of his own and experience these secrets that I don’t know about him. One of the best ways for him to learn how to be a dad is to open up, it’s a chance for me to understand what parts of me come from him.

I did manage to pull a few stories out of him though so here for your listening pleasure is how a lobster ended up in Bobby’s symbol bag and a few other gems. 

Want to read the emails that we talk about but were too vulnerable to share on the podcast? Sign up to our patreon: https://www.patreon.com/nikkibon.  

You can support, sign up and check out our clips, unedited eps, emails, videos and basically all the things that we are too embarrassed to share and triggers my abandonment issues. 

Whether it be advice you need, advice for us or questions you think we should ask each other, we want to hear from you ! E-mail us what you would like to hear or activity ideas whoadadpodcast@gmail.com.

 

HUFFING AND PUFFING

It’s time for Bobby and I do do our first father daughter activity: hiking. Last episode we went through a blog list of tips for how to be a great dad and while we didn’t love every suggestion (honestly, some of them were down right creepy) we decided a few of them might be worth trying out, you’re welcome.

Bobby’s seemingly just figured out that he’s been an absent dad thus far and we don’t know anything about each other. This epiphany has led him to understand that had he been around during my childhood we’d know a lot more about each other and he has NO idea how to be a dad… it’s taken him a bit too long to realize this but I’m glad that we might finally be on the same page.

Dad’s carrying the backpack, check. Sunscreen, check. We’re on our first father-daughter hike and Bobby says he’s feeling pretty good about it.

During our walk, we’re covering some of our memories for when I’m younger like the time I almost fell out of the roller coaster, crying in front of my dad, how he’s basically the inverter of snowboarding and a few other historic gems. But the conversation derails itself when Bobby shares that he thinks a woman younger than I am is hot—the only point I’ll give him is that he realized it was inappropriate… after the fact.

Bobby’s also sharing his belief system with me, some experiences he had when he was younger and an epiphany he had while driving one night. We’re getting into some deep conversations this week and it gets a little weird. 

With activity number one complete, I’m going to chalk it up to a success. My distant dad still struggles because he always put himself first but I think we’re making some progress.

Want to read the emails that we talk about but were too vulnerable to share on the podcast? Sign up to our patreon: https://www.patreon.com/nikkibon 

You can support, sign up and check out our clips, unedited eps, emails, videos and basically all the things that we are too embarrassed to share and triggers my abandonment issues. 

Whether it be advice you need, advice for us or questions you think we should ask each other, we want to hear from you ! Email us what you would like to hear or activity ideas whoadadpodcast@gmail.com

Nikki's Insta: https://www.instagram.com/nikkibon/

Whoa, Dad! Insta: https://www.instagram.com/whoadadpodcast/

 

YOUR TEXAS SUCK

Bobby has basically moved in. He’s got his AA and self help books spread around the kitchen, there’s Nicorette gum everywhere and his laptop that’s weirdly hooked up to an external hard drive is sitting on the table ALL THE TIME. So, I think it’s time we dig into everything that it takes to become a good dad.

Bobby brings up a recent text conversation that caused him a lot of anxiety and tension. After reading Bobby's side (side A) and I read my side (side B) we realize that we were misinterpreting each others "texas" (texts). Lesson is texting and e-mailing your feelings suck. Bobby makes Nikki promise to only share her feelings to his face...f***. 

We’ve found a blog post on what it takes to be a good dad and we’re going to go through the list and see which ones we like the best. So, here are some of the things it takes to be a good dad:

• Spend time with them
• Tell family stories
• Start a tradition
• Read together before bed
• Discipline with love and positive parenting
• Be a role model
• Eat together
• Seek involvement early
• Walk, stretch and meditate 
• Put their interest first
• Spend spare time together
• Teach self-esteem
• Teach finances
• Learn a language together
• Give hugs
• Play with them

It turns out Bobby doesn’t love the list. He’s pro starting a family tradition but not so on-board with disciplining with love and positive parenting. We’re comparing and contrasting how well he did on this list as I grew up, and his score isn’t exactly a passing grade.

This is a great lesson for distant dads and their daughters who want to restore their father-daughter relationship. It might be a little hard to go back through the list and make up for some of the lost time, but there’s more than enough that you can start doing today to make up for lost time—we might go for a hike, learn a language together or Bobby might teach me how to ride a unicycle?

It’s been a weird journey so far, and we’re just getting started! 

You can support, sign up and check out our clips, unedited eps, emails, videos and basically all the things that we are too embarrassed to share and triggers Nikki's abandonment issues. 

Whether it be advice you need, advice for us or questions you think we should ask each other, we want to hear from you ! E-mail us what you would like to hear or activity ideas whoadadpodcast@gmail.com.

 

DON‘T CALL ME SEXY

Bobby has never had to censor himself in front of a child before, so there are a few things he doesn’t quite understand and this episode is FULL of them. 

Welcome to the part of the podcast where my distant dad justifies calling me sexy because of my career (sadly, not a joke), quotes Kung Fu Panda, continues to chew Nicorette into the microphone and gets weirdly philosophical… again. But guys, I swear Bobby’s not creepy.

Lesson number one for how to be a dad: don’t call your daughter sexy under any circumstance. If you take only one thing away from this episode, let it be that. Distant dads all around the world it’s time to learn what you can and can’t do when hanging out with your child—hint, it’s nothing like hanging out with your kids. This list includes:

• Calling your daughter sexy
• Hot, yeah that’s also out of bounds
• Saying anything that you save for your girlfriend
• Having naked photos of women out when your kids are around
• Watching films that are inappropriate for their age
• Dating someone who’s younger than your daughter
• Bedroom-related comments, kids don’t need to hear that

It’s not that long of a list but you might want to grab a pen for this one. Dad’s this is a great one if you want to know how to communicate with your daughter. If you find yourself getting into sticky situations and starting out-of-bound conversations, then it’s time for you to tune in.

Bobby and I are on a long journey where I teach him how to be a father. Not just for ourselves but for all of the distance dads and their daughters out there. If you’re looking to rebuild your father-daughter relationship, this is an episode you need to listen to.

Want to read the emails that we talk about but were too vulnerable to share on the podcast? Sign up to our patreon: https://www.patreon.com/nikkibon. 

You can support, sign up and check out our clips, unedited eps, emails, videos and basically all the things that we are too embarrassed to share and triggers Nikki's abandonment issues. 

Whether it be advice you need, advice for us or questions you think we should ask each other, we want to hear from you ! E-mail us what you would like to hear or activity ideas whoadadpodcast@gmail.com. 

 

THE HISTORY LESSON

My dad has just arrived in L.A. and we're about to spend the most amount of time together we have in our life—one week. He's 65, I'm 33, and we haven't spent more than five days together. This could be a disaster. 

See, Bobby wasn't around most of my life—he's a rock n'roll drummer (need I say more)—and for most of my life we’ve had an awkward, distant, pretty much non-existent relationship. He was an absent father. But a few years ago my friend's dad passed away and it made me realize how much I didn’t know about my dad and that I wanted to change that. 

This isn’t the first time we’ve tried to re-establish our father-daughter relationship—but we’re ready to try again. However, I’ve come to realize that he’s jumping into fatherhood at 65 and needs a little help. I’m going to have to teach him how to be a dad. And I figured why not document this journey?

This episode is all about the history of our father-daughter relationship. We’re heading back in time to discuss some of my childhood memories and how Bobby remembers them. He’s sharing his insights into our early relationship and talking about what he would do differently if he could go back now. It’s an interesting comparison—his memory versus mine.

We’re covering the time that I felt like my dad really saw me, my young adult belief that my identity was that I didn’t have a relationship with my dad and how getting information out of him is like pulling teeth. Somehow we also manage to cover Bobby’s curly hair, Mr. Rogers (the HBO documentary and not the Tom Hanks version) and fake news? I might regret this decision...

They say parenting is a life-long journey, I think it's high time for Bobby to learn how to be a father, care to come along for the ride?

Not vulnerable enough for you? Want to support us on this journey? Sign up to Patreon to have access to our email correspondences that did a number on our relationship, videos, unedited eps and classic documented Bobby moments.

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/nikkibon 

Follow us on Instagram @whoadadpodcast @nikkibon

We want to hear from you! Let us know your advice and questions whoadadpodcast@gmail.com